The Long and Short

The long and short of it all is that I did not talk to Jake about my feelings this weekend. Why? Because I didn't see him face to face and I won't do it over the phone. I just can't do it like that over the phone. Plus I let the cards lie where they fell all weekend. I didn't push anything, I just let it go. Which was a bonus and helped a lot.

Like my mother said, I'm only dating him. He knows that I don't want a relationship, he knows I don't want to be serious - well then there you go. Then again, if I get the chance, perhaps I will talk to him during the week. I mean we didn't see one another all weekend and neither one of us was broken up over it....that's got to say something no?

As you already are aware, this weekend is my birthday and I have many things planned. At first he was to be part of it, but I'm going to have to say neigh neigh to that. I can't be with him from Thursday night through Sunday. No fucking way. If and when we get on the topic, I'll tell him Saturday night is my night out with friends. He'll be cool about it, I know. But here's the other part - someone asked me out today on a date for this Friday. If things weren't already complicated enough.

I'm not one to date a lot. I don't date more than one man, but why not? Why not go on this date Friday?.....because that would mean having to tell Jake something.

GOD I HATE THIS.

I wish I had the balls to talk to him right now and tell him, "Sorry dude, this isn't going to work out." - but when he calls me and I'm like, "he's so nice." - but nice doesn't cut it.

I'm all over the place. Shoot me. Shoot me now.

My new name is Calamity Mer. I should change this site from Finding Mer to Calamity Mer. Yes, that's more fitting right?

Well, if Jake still comes to the party on Thursday night with my co-workers, then he can stay by my place and I'll chill with him all day and tell him I'm going to dinner with my friend who won't be able to take part in Saturday night's festivities. OR, I could come clean about the whole thing.

What will Mer do?????? Will she go with Curtain #1 or Curtain #2???????

Oh fuck.