Reconnecting.....Faltering

Reconnecting with Fisch has brought me back in time. Its been nice to say the very least. As a result I've now reconnected with three other people I went to high school with - its been a ton of fun.

But here's where it gets awkward, there is still that "connection" that we had - the what if factor still looms over our heads leaving us in a state of limbo....no one wants to cross "that" line. He is married after all and I'm single. I don't want any compromising situations arising....so I nipped it in the bud already.....and I don't know where that leaves us. I want to be his friend, I KNOW the line and I don't want to cross it and it doesn't make me comfortable that I had to set things straight. NOTHING happened, no comments that were inappropriate were made, but there was a sense that it could and I don't want that. Now I think its going to be all awkward and stuff. Yuk. I did the right thing, I did what I had to do. I can't help but feel its not fair - two people can't be friends even though they only will ever be friends. sticky.

This isn't the first time I've had this happen either. I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a beauty pageant winner, but I've been told that I'm attractive and I think what helps is my personality - in saying that men feel more apt to talk to me and open up. Its ok, but when a man isn't getting attention at home, they see a pretty face that they can relate to and these notions of grandeur appear. I hate it. If I had a boyfriend it would be a different story, but right now I'm veiwed as a threat and that's so not the case.

Aye dios mio.

The most notorious occurence happened to me in high school - although not an isolated case - by far the most significant. I always dated older guys out of high school - I never dated anyone from school. Too many rumors, everyone always knew what was going on, never any privacy. I was smart. But all my "guy" friends had crushes on me and their girlfriends didn't appreciate it. Even if I was friends with both of them BEFORE they were together, it never worked, the girl would inevitably wind up jealous. Sigh. So sad.

Tim and I became friends Sophmore year....we were inseperable at school. I was dating George and Tim was dating a girl from another school. I was also friendly with Nancy - we had no bones with each other. But it became popular knowledge that Tim liked me. To be honest, if I was single I might have dated him, but I was in love with George. I can remember clear as day Tim telling me that if I ever broke up with George to give him a chance. I laughed it off of course. Tim was devestated when I started dating Glenn though. By god was he because he was single at the time it occurred - that's when he started dating Nancy.

All of a sudden I was the enemy. She hated me....of course because I was friends with a lot of people, she didn't exactly make her dislike for me very known, but it was there. Evident. On the day of our graduation I got in a big fight with Glenn and we basically broke up. I was devestated....and Tim clung to my side the entire time. That night at project graduation Tim and Jeremy sat there and tried to make me feel better....at Nancy's expense too. He ignored her all night and at about 1:00 a.m., Nancy came around with every piece of jewelry Tim had every given her and said, "Give this to your new girlfriend Meredith."

Ouch.

After that night I never say Tim, nor Nancy ever again.....but guess who ran the 10 year reunion this past November? Nancy. And guess who she married? Tim. Go figure.

It would have been awkward to say the very least. Not that that was the sole reason why I didn't go, but it totally factored it in. Maybe I'll go to the next one.

Anyway, so its happened again. Not that Fisch's wife said anything....she probably doesn't even know we are friends, I mean its only been a little over a week. Still, I didn't want to be stuck in the middle, I didn't even want a chance that any "feelings" could be noticed.

I'm not happy about it....at all. Partly because it was nice to talk to him again. He's funny, he made me laugh again.....my life is becoming rather serious lately and it was nice to forget for a minute. Very nice.