Pushing Mer

I am the last person in the world who will make a tiff out of nothing. Those who are close to me know that I refuse to play into drama or allow anyone to rain on my parade. At 29 I don’t have the time or the energy to waste on anyone who will upset me, thus my ability to bounce back from adversity rather quickly.

But when you cross me, when you finally push me to the edge, be prepared to deal with what I have to say. Wait, let me back up, what you should know about my personality is that I never yell, to get me angry and fired up enough to shout, you know it’s got to be bad – only family has seen that side and its been a LONG time since that’s happened as rare as it is. Instead I opt to come to you rationally and poise my valid points and discuss like adults what is troubling me. Most of the time I won’t even open my mouth because I’ve learned to wait and allow life to play itself out….because sometimes the resolution presents itself without there having to be any incidents.

When an event occurs and I do finally say what I have to say and I’m able to divulge what I have on my mind, close friends and family know it must really be bothering me and they have learned to take it in stride and do the honorable thing by listening and not judging. They know I don’t just voice my opinion flatly and without reason, no, they know what I have to say is legitimate and applicable. My good friends know that in order for me to come to them and say I am upset with anything in my personal life - it must be truly something harsh. I don’t open up so fast to people. Yes I’m happy go lucky, go with the flow, but it takes a lot for me to open up to anyone, it’s the Aquarian in me I guess.

When it comes to those I love and cherish, I give even more lean way if they offend or hurt me. They are people I truly love and cherish and I should know their personalities and abide by their little incidentals. No need to really call them out and yell because I know personalities and I accept them for who they are because in order to be my friend you must possess redeeming qualities. Shit, I am so far from perfect I don’t expect anyone to get it on the first try I understand human nature. But I am thoroughly offended when what I have to say is placed on the wayside and not appreciated for what it is….my thoughts and feelings on said subject. I know I’ve spoken about being misunderstood, but this surpasses that because these people should know me best.

However, when you cross me, it doesn’t matter how many times you apologize, it doesn’t’ matter what the explanation is, you’ve tarnished and ruined something good and pure, because that’s all that I have to offer – I gain nothing by being friends with anyone but caring, sharing and good times. I don’t ask for anything, I don’t lean on anyone and I never complain, but once you cross that legit boundary, you’re done. If you’re alive afterward, you’ve used your ‘get out of jail free’ card.

Conceivably this may be part of my Italian heritage that has me feel that once you smear, taint or blemish a friendship I give up. It’s the same with dating – maybe its self preservation or maybe I’ve become an adult and refuse to by into the excitement that others can set forth. To me, friendship is shown and exemplified – actions do speak louder than words, that’s why an apology is sometimes not enough to alleviate the hurt that has been bestowed.