Unfuckingbelievable

WARNING: This post contains violence and graphic content. R-Rated

Drama now finds me....I mind my business, I live my life by right and wrong, good and bad. I say please and thank you, I treat people the way I want to be treated, but it is all for naught because drama still seems to find me. However, this time around I put both fingers up and say fuck you, I ain't dealing.

This guy I knew approached me about dating him and I did just that because he was someone I knew, he was funny, polite, had his shit together, he could be a bit of a dick, but I kind of need that in order to keep me in line. He has a busy schedule, I don't get to see or talk to him much. Fine by me, I don't want anyone up my ass - as far as I was concerned, it was a perfect relationship in the making. But then I wrote the post "Mediocre" and I posted it here and on my MySpace blog - little did I know that the mutha f'er was stalking my MySpace website. I'm not shitting you. He not only stalks my site for content, but I think he also stalks those of my friends. Yes if you are my friend and you leave me a comment - he clicks on your profile to see who you are, and what I've commented in return.

Can we say insecure?

Right away he comes down on me for writing the post "mediocre" and "the love letter" stating that mediocre was "all about him" and "the love letter" was just plain disrespectful. I don't even know where to begin explaining this.

First, the mediocre post was not about him. Ok that might be stretching the truth - at first I had reservations about dating him, but I went with it and was rather happy for the first time in a long time. Someone poised the question to me about dating and settling - so I took the idea and ran with it....and to be honest I got a TON of feedback from it, apparently I'm not the only one in this world who feels you shouldn't settle - but whatever. When I re-read that post and put myself in his shoes I understood the misconception and I profusely apologized for it....but he wouldn't hear it and when I say he wouldn't hear it, I mean that literally. He would NOT talk to me via phone or in person - opting to ignore me and play judge and jury with no trial. The only way he would talk to me was via text. What the fuck is that? Ok fine, I gave him space, I played his game of texting and apologized, not once, not twice, but three times on three separate occasions. After a whole week of not talking - he finally sends me a text this past Tuesday.

A text???? You want a relationship with me and your form of communication is texting? Fuck that shit. I gave up on Sunday, this ain't flying with me.....at all. I tried, you snubbed it, I'd have to be a complete moron to continue trying....you're shit wasn't that fly bro.

He most likely contacted me because Tuesday morning I changed my status from "in a relationship" on myspace to "single" - it was a whole week of not hearing from him, what was I supposed to do? Sit and wait for him? Rot away for someone who doesn't have the decency to contact me and listen to me? If I stayed with him, would this have been a trend for things to come? It was a simple misunderstanding, I can't imagine what a real fight with real emotions and problems would be like. Thanks, but no thanks. If I've learned anything from Ted its that I will not wait for anyone. I apologized for a foul up, he didn't take it, I'm not putting my life on hold - shit or get off the pot buddy.

Since he is a stalker of sorts, he sees my status change and TEXTS ME about it (TEXTING IS THE DEVIL!!!). I'm not dealing with that bullshit - no way. And the best part - I'm the villian. I'm the bad guy - yet I've never been able to plead my case, we haven't uttered ONE word to each other, yet I'm the one whose fault this all is. He's pissed because I gave up - uh hello MCFLY!!! Last time you were in contact with me was Saturday night and you're pissed at me? Hell to the NO!!!

Delusional? Definitely. Insecure? Totally. Manipulative? Completely.

I am sooooo glad that I know when its time to walk away. I am so glad I didn't sit on my fat Italian ass waiting for him and I'm happy I didn't invest so much in him. I'm proud of myself because a year ago I would've been a ball of stress worrying about pleasing him. I'd be sitting here complaining to you, my readers, about how unfair life is and why can't I catch a break. BUT NO MORE - no mas - Mer doesn't deal with this shit anymore. I've been saying it for awhile now and this is proof positive that I've changed. One word: awesome.