Tuesday, September 26, 2006

La Primera

This is part one of what I think is going to be a three, perhaps four part series of me trying to convey to you what the hell is going on in each area of my life. I’m doing this for my own good to take each portion and pick it apart to help me understand what I can do to make me happier because shit doesn’t seem to be happening on its own.

Here we go:

The Job

It’s a fact, my job is easy. I went from being an Administrative Assistant working for three high and mighty Directors in a very fast paced office to a hidey-ho snail step position as an Executive Secretary…..this job does and does not blow big monkey pole for varying reasons.

Why my job doesn’t suck.
I do nothing. I answer a few phone calls, I keep my boss’ calendar. I put him in touch with the right people, I help him with his computer questions, because the man has no clue when it comes to the computer. Sometimes I get to make him a haircut appointment and plan some business travel – oh the fun. Trust me though, when its busy and he’s on fire –lookout, my job gets trying and the bullshit flies. However, I like my boss, he’s a pretty serious dude with a high position here, but he also knows how to laugh and make light of a situation. He knows how to be politically correct with the big wigs and he certainly knows his stuff. At his level, one would think I should be a shit-load busier than I am, but I’m not.

At first I didn’t mind the fact that life was pretty easy going. I put in 8 years doing menial work and being someone’s whipping boy, because let’s face it, when you are a secretary, you’re the first person in the line of fire when the shit hits the fan. Its not fun being the first bulls eye when the boss wants answers. I am paid to think two steps ahead of my boss should occasion arise…they want answers, its my job to find them. It wasn't always easy and thus the reason why this job was cake when I first arrived on the scene. Plus now that school has begun, I can use my down time for bits of studying. Not all that bad.

Why my job sucks
I do nothing. I’m so bored sometimes that I have to create ways of keeping myself busy. I’ve read blogs, I’ve paid bills, made appointments, chatted on the phone, sent a few thousand emails…..I follow my boss like a puppy dog looking for a scrap of work. And before you start thinking I’m a lazy ass, know this, I’ve told him I’m bored. I’ve attempted asking for more work, but alas, nothing has changed. It is what it is.

Its also escalating my laziness…I get out of here, and I’m actually tired from doing nothing!!! WTF??? My autonomy sucks here and I feel that the laziness is affecting me all around. Laziness leads to mistakes and I don’t make mistakes….at least not when my reputation is involved.

I don’t feel like I have a crucial role in any of the work for this department and I feel left out of the loop 90% of the time, where before I was an integral part in the grand scheme of running the department. I miss having a position where I would trouble shoot and give answers multitasking to my hearts content. I feel that I have way too much talent and “know how” to be wasted away here. My brain is slowly going to mush - I’m afraid that once I do in fact find another job, my go getter attitude will be diminished.

My good friend B actually said “Too bad you couldn’t find a way to make more money while at work.” Good thinking B and if I knew the first thing about stocks and trading, I’d be all over it.

Oh and the pay is ….let’s just say it leaves something to be desired. I make good money, no doubt, but do I make what people in my position make in the outside world? No. Money is a big key factor here. I stated the pay is not all that great – better than minimum wage by far, don’t get me wrong, but if I were to work elsewhere my increase in pay would be at minimum another $5-7,000. We are a non-profit organization so the pay is never competing, however, I do have job security and good benefits…. You can’t sneeze at something like that in this day and age.

Here I am at a crossroads of sorts. I have a good job, decent pay but I’m bored to tears. I want a job that I’m happy to do that challenges me on a daily basis, but I’d be stupid to give it up right now since it affords me the luxury of study time (and tuition-reimbursement). I have been contemplating and weighing these things on a daily basis. Can I sit here for the next 3+ years doing this day in and day out while I wait to finish my degree? Will I survive the boredom?

This is one of the tunnels that I face. I picture in my mind each tunnel I choose there is no end, no light. Each tunnel represents another facet of my life – relationships, family, friends, work, etc….and each one is overwhelmingly dark and quiet making me feel more and more discouraged all the time. I feel alone now – I haven’t talked to anyone about how I’ve been feeling, thus why I have an urge to write again to this blog – even if it is a boring amount of drivel.

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