Friday, February 09, 2007

With Arms Wide Open

People have been known to avoid it like the plague, others are in denial and some make little notice. It has been known to advocate anxiety or instill fear of death, literally, but I have decided to embrace it with arms wide open. I will welcome what others deny and cherish what others shun for this past Sunday yours truly entered into a new chapter in life, on February 4th, 2006, I, Meredith Nicole [insert very Italian last name here] turned 30.

GASP! The horror!!!!

I fully admit there is a sadness that comes with not being able to say you’re still in your twenties, it’s the closing of a time when you thought that’s all you had…..time. It’s the end to what you’ll lovingly refer to as your “youth” and also the realization you are fully an adult. No more fucking up, its truly time to shit or get off the pot.

Turning 30 means so many different things to so many people. You have your business savvy individuals who are full swing into their careers and then you have your loafers who are just getting by. Then there are people like me, who have done everything bassackwards and are making up for lost time. For some women its about a biological clock, for some men it’s a perpetual bachelor existence they have clenched. For me its about me.

My twenties were chock full of events and I won’t forget the valuable lessons I learned. I traveled a bit, I loved a lot, I hurt even more. There are things I went through that most never see in a life time and I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy….well maybe that’s a lie. The thing is, I made a conscious effort to learn from each mistake/event and I have exemplified that very side in all that I have done thus far. Sure I’m still making mistakes, I’m the least perfect person I know, but I’ve never looked back and only feel that the doors that have been opened will only keep on opening.

For whatever reason I feel this is the most complete I’ve ever been. I make decisions based on a gut feeling or a nice mixture of brain and heart, but I will not allow myself to be ruled by others emotions. I’m not here to make anyone happy but myself. Somehow, someway I lost that focus in my early twenties and it only flooded into the latter portion of that decade, a malady I will not replicate.

The freedom that I feel, the independence that bores through is exceptionally satisfying. Unless you have been there, then what I am saying is completely off kilter for you and you would not understand. I feel as if the world is my oyster and everything that has happened to me has been an education. I look forward to my thirties because this is the time to do everything I have ever wanted to do, whether its sky diving in Pennsylvania, or scuba diving in Bermuda - I'm doing it all and nothing will stop me this time around. There is a nice calm that has settled within, a balance that was never there before.

Its true though, my life has gone in reverse, my twenties were about everyone else, my thirties will be about me. I'm not exactly sure where I was going with all of this. Perhaps it was an update, perhaps I just needed to say out loud that I'm happy. Finally. Maybe next time I can update on the Atlanta move.....oooo nice.

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