Ever feel so utterly dejected and down that if you think too hard or analyze too much you might actually stop breathing? Ever feel so lost you don't want to face the world; crawling back into bed to sleep away the anxiety, hurt and pain is so much more realistic than facing life. I see people here at work and they smile and make pleasantries and I want to just ONCE punch someone square in the face to get out the frustration and anger. Volunteers? Anyone? I want to make them feel as horrid and wretched as I do.
God its like someone is sitting on my chest right now. I want to run out of here kicking, screaming, arms flailing for the mere fact that I have to get out this tenstion that is building within me. My blood pressure must be sky rocketing right now. I teeter between no motivation and wanting to scream. One minute I feel as if I could cry, the next I want to beat the living piss out of the next person who crosses me. Its awful and I feel defenseless and enraged mixed together in a giant bouncing ball of nerves.
Carrying on is inevitable until this hurdle is passed because I don't know what else to do with myself. I've been painted into a corner with no escape and waiting for the paint to dry is killing me. Its completely and totally destroying my innards to the point of nauseous insanity. I am normally cool and collected - ok fine, I'm a little zainy at times, but usually nothing bothers me. THIS is bothering me. Shit yes.