Monday, June 05, 2006

Mediocre

Its about time and I know one thing is for sure...I'm ready. I'm finally ready for a relationship. Its been a year now and I know I've dated a few people since, but I've either pushed them away or I haven't chosen wisely to whom I dated, but now, now its different and I know I'm ready. I know I want a relationship and I know I want someone there. The difference between now and then is that I think I'll choose more wisely and I think I'm a bit more perseptive because I know its ok to be alone. I know its ok to do things alone.

All that being said, is it right to date someone that you only have mediocre feelings for? What if this person looks great on paper, but the spark is “eh” – is it fair to continue seeing them? What if you respect this person, you like them, you think the world of them, is it ok to continue?

What if you’ve had nothing but a string of bad relationships, ok, maybe not a string of bad relationships, but more like unlucky ones - ones that didn't work out for one reason or another. What if this time you meet someone and you say to yourself, He/She has their shit together, they are nice looking, good job, good personality, no psycho traits…basically normal….but that innate spark that draws out the “WOO HOO” is missing? They don't make you all tingly inside.

Is it fair to the other person? Let’s put it this way - they are happier than a pig in shit to be with you. Life is good for them because they are looking forward to being with you. They cherish you…they treat you well and want nothing more than to make you happy….their needs are being met and fulfilled. They are none the wiser and go along with the charade….even if they have an inkling of what’s up, they’re not rocking the boat because you’re “it” for them.

Is that fair?

Lets be real here, it isn’t like the movies, there isn’t one special person for you that you are destined to be with. Sure people do find that kind of love and they are the exception to the rule, but that’s like one in 20 billion leaving the rest of us feeling our relationships are less adequate. We look at women who marry sports personas and we think, “Oh she’s just in it for the money” – but what if she has had nothing but bad relationships and she’s trying something different for a change, or perhaps all she's ever met were average Joe's and she's just smart enough to have figured it out, money over lover. Far fetched but its fitting for this scenario so poo on you.

Tough question….very tough. I guess through understanding and caring you could learn to love someone, but is that right? Is there something morally wrong with that? I mean you shouldn't have to learn something like love.

I’m a big advocate for not wasting anyone’s time and I appreciate honesty in these situations whether I am the one being honest, or its the other way around because in the end you don’t want to hurt the other person especially if they are decent human being. In these circumstances honesty is the best policy.

I think each time one of us goes through a break up, we lose a little bit of ourselves. We try to protect ourselves from the pain again, but at the same time we turn away the good eggs. We are waiting for the WOW factor - the WOO HOO that makes us feel funny inside. But what if a good egg steps up to the plate and at first glance there is nothing wrong with them….like I said, on paper they are awesome and you’d be stupid to turn them away, however, its mediocre lukewarm feelings that you have….but on the other hand all you’ve ever dated were psycho’s and retards….shouldn’t you give him/her a fair shot? Try something different?

Some of us want to be challenged, some of us like the hunt, some of us want to be pursued and I’m finding now more than ever that when it’s served up on a silver platter its always going to be “eh.” Tell me this hasn’t happened to you and I retort bullshit. Its been done to me and I sure as hell have done it countless times, but at least now I recognize it before the damage is truly done.

So I ask, is it the lack of challenge or is it the lack of WOO HOO factor that has us craving more, wanting more, pushing away the average Jane/Joe's?

1 comment:

Dave said...

I thought this was a really thoughtful post and while it's a question for the ages it comes up in everyone's personal life all the day and requires a different answer for different people. Me? I pull the plug if I'm not "in it to win it", that is, if I'm not feeling the spark or what have you, I pull the plug. Well, I'm not good at breaking up so I generally act like (more of) an asshole until she dumps me. It's ridiculous, I know.