Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Over Extension

Life has been very busy lately to say the least. I guess when you make a conscious effort to slow things down in the “dating” department, you take that step back and somehow become more busy to occupy your “spare” time. Ironic right? People tend to invite you to more places, and of course you say yes to way too many events and stretch yourself thin trying to fit it all in because why pass up the opportunity to do these random things? It IS the start of the good weather after all and no one is the boss of me. I have no one tying me down, no one to compare social calendars with, just moi.

That’s what’s happening right now. I'm busier by the day. Its all my fault and I’m not complaining, god no, I am lucky to be able to do the things I do and have the friends that I have….but god, being “on” can get tiring.

Do you get what I mean when I say “on?” I’m not performing, but its in my nature to be pleasing to my friends and make sure we all have a good time. In all honesty its about the company you keep, not what you do. I’m a good friend and I try not to be the poop of the group – you know, Ms. Grumpy. Instead I’m the fun of the group, the wild child. But it takes its toll every once in a while and I'm getting fried.

For example, with summer on the way, the Spring is being kicked off quite nicely. I’m playing softball (I’m laying the SMACK DOWN), heading to more and more Yankee games, people are having their much anticipated parties and/or BBQ’s, Great Adventure is open, its just about shore weather – god its all piling up! One thing after the next! Weekends are getting booked at a rapid pace to a point now where I need a break because I’ll burn out by mid June if I don’t start taking it easy….plus my liver is seriously starting to hate me, he called me a bitch last night and kicked me in the side. True story.

But how do you slow down when you wait all winter to enjoy these things? How do you say no to what sounds like an awesome time!?! Especially when your friends easily appeal to your senses of good times and great memories - I could be hit by a car a week from now and not have lived enough to truly enjoy my life.

Its not that I “need” to do any of these things and I sure as hell do not have the mentality that, “if I don’t go I’ll miss something” oh hell no. I go and I do because the reason is simple….it sounds like fun. Why not? Life is too short. But hot damn I’m getting tired. I’m over committing myself to too many things and I didn’t even realize it. I love my friends, I’ve spoken at length about them before and I cherish the fact that they think of me to invite me out, but god, when I say no, some people actually get pissy with me. What is that?

I am by no means Ms. Popularity…ok that’s a lie, I do have a vast array of friends, but I feel like I’m over-extending myself to spend time with all of them. Unfortunately certain people get pushed to the wayside, not by fault, but by default. I try to make it a first come first serve basis to chill because I don’t want to be a douche….alas, these things happen.

Sunday for the first day in well over two weeks I blew it all off. I stayed in and as much as it felt good, I felt guilty because I had to blow off two different sets of people in order to accomplish it. So sad. I have to say though, it felt great to stay in bed late. And then I took myself to a movie which was good (Miii) and relaxed the rest of the day watching the boob tube. My sanity is slowly making its self present once again, but with two Boston vs. Yankee games this week, my plate is already full.

A year ago my life was thrown in a tail spin and I didn’t think I would recover. Hold up - another lie, I should say that I knew I would survive and move on but I certainly didn’t think I would be complaining about lack of time for myself. Heavens no. I’m thankful, but I guess I need to learn how to say no to some people now. Perhaps take another step back and chill out a bit. Yep, that’s the ticket, take time for me and do me. Ok, there we go, I have my agenda for the weekend.

1 comment:

anne arkham said...

You do seem a lot happier than you were a year ago.

I can't believe it's been a year!