Monday, April 17, 2006

Enough is Enough

When do I say enough is enough? I've been reluctant to write about this one guy because as we all know, once I write about someone it basically seals their doom.

What I will tell you is that I've been - I guess the correct term would be "seeing" him for a while now and at first, when I first met him I was over joyed at the prospect of him. I felt that if there was someone who could potentially break through my wall of comittment phobia, it would be him. It was just that good.

I don't want to get into too much detail, he is after all still a part of my life, but we've only seen each other rather sporadically....when we see each other its either out with a group of friends or its at his place watching a movie and (cough cough) doing other stuff. (Go Mer!).....but anyway, we have yet to have a real date. Oh sure he was really sick for about a week or two and this Saturday he said, "We are so going out to dinner this week." - but the night before he was a little flimsy in his demeanor toward me around friends. I'm not sure how to read it all because my gut is telling me something....bugging me. I'm not used to a guy not being so present in my life once they are interested. I'm not used to not knowing what is up. Its all very new.

But I will say this, I've been just as lax. I haven't been up his ass - oh hell to the no. I won't do that ever again. Plus, I like to keep my back burners, but this guy....well I thought he was special enough to keep all the back burners at arms length, which I have done. Come on now, who are we talking about here? Mer is playing the field until someone says otherwise.

For the most part, we are extremely compatible, we get along very well, but its nagging me that he's not exactly very forthcoming with the dating issue. Does that make sense? A few times I've had the opportunity to ask him what it was that we had going on, but I didn't and I don't know why. Do you think it could be because I already know it won't go the distance? I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I'm allowing my insecurities with men dictate what happens to them. I'm proud of the fact that I haven't been whining about it and carrying on. I'm proud that I don't let him dictate my life. But he would have to be a complete ass to assume that he is the only guy interested in me. Sheesh.

That's about it for now...that's where I am as far as relationships go. Everything else is rather peachy keen. I have more to write on the topic, but I fear it might cause that inevitable jinx....then again maybe I already know what direction this is headed therefore its ok I write about it. Huh - now there's a thought.

My current thoughts on this guy are when should I say enough is enough? When should I make the decision that his lack of a wanted presence in my life isn't enough? I think I'll see if we do actually have a dinner date this week. If we do, I'll guage my decision on the dinner and see if we talk about "us" at all. If we don't have the date and I don't have clear answers, then its hasta la pasta for him.

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