Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Dreams

Dreams – they can tell you so much about what is going on your life should you take the time to interpret them. I know what is going on during waking hours. I know I feel the stress, I can feel the anxiety tingle my spine and synapse the very tendrils of my skin. But when I’m asleep, there are no boundaries to what I think about, what I will push through from the pitch darkness of my subconscious mind. You can’t push out the anger and frustration like you do when your awareness is keen, instead it seeps through and comes out as a tragic vision when your eyes are closed.

Up to this point I really thought that I loved Ted more than anyone I had ever loved….but we all know this isn’t true. Instead I looked at him as only I wanted to see him, not as the confused malfunctioning boy he truly was. I know that now and it took strength, a close call with reconciliation and time, yes lots of time, to finally see it all very clearly.

You would think that I would dream about him once in a while. You would think that conceivably I would harvest anger, resentment, regret or any variation of loss after all is said and done, but I don’t. Not at all. I can bravely say that I do not think about him in any loving shape, matter or form. What an odd thing to think about right?

But I’ll tell you how I came upon this epiphany. Most likely as a result of the stress I’ve been enduring lately, I have been dreaming the most odd ball dreams lately. Now I’ve always had a vivid imagination, I’ve always had astounding dreams, this is not new, but the subject material is.

In the past 7 or so days, I’ve had at the very least, three dreams about my ex-husband. Someone who during waking hours I don’t give a second, let alone a first thought about. Its odd and its bizarre.

Last night/this morning I had a dream I was on a cruise ship (I seem to have many dreams about cruise ships), and in my dream it was assumed that I was with family on this cruise. In fact I do remember having dinner with my parents in one aspect of the dream. In my dream, on more than one occasion, I walk up a set of stairs into the dining room where my ex-husband is standing at a table for two with champagne, light pink/whitish roses and he’s instructing a violinist to play a song when I come. But each time (3 in total), I come early and ruin the surprise. And my ex is smiling. I don’t speak to him, I don’t sit down for dinner, I barely acknowledge him and then I’m either at another area of the ship, or I’m with my parents.

In an effort to understand any of this, I’ve located a Dream Moods Dictionary and I will take an ill fated attempt at interpreting this. Wish me luck.

Cruise
To dream that you are on a cruise, represents some emotional journey that you are going through. The dream may also be a pun on "cruising" through situations in your life with ease and little effort

Family
To see your own family in high spirits in your dream, symbolizes harmony and happiness. To see them gloomy, foretells of disappointment and sadness.

Stairs
To dream that you are walking up a flight of stairs, indicates that you are achieving a higher level of understanding. You are making progress into your spiritual/emotional/material journey. It also represents material and thoughts that are coming to the surface.

Ex
To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person. In particular, to see your ex-husband/wife in your dream, indicates that you are finding yourself in a situation that you do not want to be in. It suggests that you are experiencing a similar relationship or situation which makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable. Alternatively, seeing your ex in your dream also signifies aspects of yourself that you have x'd out or neglected.

Champagne
To see the opening of a bottle of champagne, is symbolic of a sexual act. It is also representative of a celebration or a personal achievement that you are proud of.

Roses
To see roses blooming in your dream, signifies faithfulness in love and the arrival of a much joyous occasion. Roses also symbolize love, passion, femininity, and romance, particularly if they are red roses. If you see a white rose, then it symbolizes virginity, pureness, and secrecy. It you see a yellow rose, then it refers to infidelity or jealousy.

Violin
To see or hear a violin in your dream, symbolizes peace and harmony in the family.

Parents
To see your parents in your dream, symbolizes both power, shelter, and love. You may be expressing your concerns and worries about your own parents. Alternatively, it represents the merging of the female and male aspects of your character.

I don’t know exactly what to think. I have all this stress, yet somehow my dreams are telling me that I have a greater understanding of myself? I’m making peace with myself? I’m seeing something in my current relationship that reminds me of my old one? Wait – I’m not in a relationship? What is that? Am I projecting what it would be like to be in a relationship?

Yeh…..I don’t know what to think anymore. Here I am in a state of panic over just about everything in my life....but in some capacity, I know I am doing the right thing. My decisions are not rash decisions, I've put a lot of thought and I'm reading my gut as much as I can. That's all I can do for now. I have to learn to relax and roll with the punches. I'm learning....slowly but surely.

1 comment:

anne arkham said...

You're doing fine, I promise. You might not be able to see it right now, but we do.