Wednesday, November 09, 2005


Remember that broad? Whatever happened to her anyway? - Probably got fat.

Today that's how I feel. I feel like I need to stop the insanity....and last night I just might have done that.

All this time I've bored you all with my stories of Ted and then he came back and then I made nicey nice and then last week I said I'd break ties with him. Last night that came true and it didn't exactly go as planned.

I had hoped to be able sit and talk to him calmly and tell him my reasons for not wanting to be in his life anymore - odd conversation for two people who are just friends, I know - spare me the lecture. But he said something last night that got me pissed and I gave him an attitude - which led to him giving me an attitude which led to a big fight and him hanging up the phone on me.

Its not how I wanted it to go and I didn't eactly get to say what I wanted to say. Oh sure at least now he's gone - or so we think right? By me not hanging up the phone first, by me not telling him to lose my number....still leaves the possibility of him calling me again. Don't worry, I don't plan on picking up that's for sure. Still, I have this aching feeling that's not the last of him. - Don't get me wrong, if I have anything to do with it, that IS the last of him. I've gone all of these months without drama and that's all that surrounds him.

But last night I had a moment of weakness when I got off the phone with him. I actually cried and felt sad and I can't eactly put my finger on why. Perhaps I did want to remain friends on some level? Or is it because I know that was the closing of the final chapter? I have no idea - and then I did the stupidest thing of all...Trixie was not available to talk to and I'm not exactly speaking to Lauren right now (she's a douche), and Samantha was working - so I called one of my friends that I wouldn't normally call over something like this and left him a tearful message. He must think I'm such a dumbass - sorry bro. Just know that was a complete moment of vulnerability on my behalf and forget that I ever called, I feel stupid enough as it is.

After that I watched some television and was able to regain my composure. Today I don't feel sad, and I'm not down by any means - I'm very melancholy. Yes very melancholy.

On a lighter note, Trixie and I will begin our research this weekend. I'm actually a little excited to start this. OHHHHH and I forgot, I totally joined that "" thing and let me just tell you - people are fucking horny or just plain ol' bored. Swear. I'm not sure how long I'll keep this up - my profile had 148 hits in under 24 hours and I think maybe 3 of which were halfway decent. Its so sad how gay some people can actually be.

OMG though, one of Ted's old friends hit me up on this thing - how funny is that? He's a really nice guy and I never really understood why he hung around that crowd, even though he doesn't really hang with them anymore. I just think its funny that out of over a million people he hit me up. Go figure. I'll report back either later or tomorrow to tell you how this whole thing is going - people are friggin nuts - I love it - should give me some good material.

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