Was it a good year for you? If you looked back at everything that happened this year, could you say that it was for the most part a good one? I'm kind of torn because it began on an awful awful note, but as the year wore on and I lost 195 lbs of dumb ass (Ted), I'd have to say it ended rather well because now I'm not making the stupid decisions for love, or what I thought to be love. I'm making decisions that I like, I'm the person who I should be and I'll only continue to be that person. Stupidity is not in my vocabulary anymore.
This year will be the first year since I was 15 that I am single and ringing in the new year alone. Well kind of. I'm sort of caught between a rock and a hard place. See Trixie and I said we would spend it together, however, no plans have been set. We thought we'd head into the city but we can't decide on a place and plus, it will only be the two of us. Fine by me, but I'd rather be with a lot of people. Second, Jake would like to spend it with me. Although it would be incredibly romantic I'm sure, I'm not sure if I want to celebrate it with someone who I've only just met. Its kind of an odd way to spend New Year's Eve - well maybe not odd, but there is something about it that has me feeling a little cautious. I don't want him reading into it as a "special" thing and then WHOMP!! We break up. Does that make sense?
Before in a relationship I would want to see the guy nonstop. I would take this opportunity and make it something it wasn't. I would read deeply into it and now, after all that I've been through, I have my reservations. Perhaps it is better that I don't see him, you know, not dive into it and it become too intense too fast. Plus in all the hoopla of New Year's Eve, I will most definitely wind up sleeping with him.....(and that's bad why)? Ok, so there we have it. While writing this post I've made up my mind. No Jake on NYE.
However, if I don't see him Saturday night, I will be seeing him pretty early in the afternoon on Sunday - right after I have my liver transplant, I should be good to go. I think he's going to take me to dinner, not sure....I guess we'll see.
For all my reservations, I'm really looking forward to seeing him this weekend. Did I tell you that when he kisses me its like he's kissing me for the first and last time ever? He cherishes each kiss, just like I do. Physically, we are extremely compatible - OH NO - now I'm getting all hot and bothered thinking about him. Is it hot in here? I need a fan? Where's the air conditioning?
Breathe in. Out. Aaaahhhhh, better.
I have no idea what it is about this guy that has me all hot for his ass, he has been nothing but respectful following my lead, which is a nice change - although dear god, if he keeps kissing me like he does, I'm so going to rape him. Thinking about those wondeful hands - they can almost grab all of my.....
Uh yeh, I have to go now.
Tonight begins a weekend long booze fest starting with Girls Night Out tonight at the 101. Tomorrow night I will be chilling with my favorite cover band - Urban Trip and I have it on good authority that I will be performing as well. Nice. Saturday is obviously New Year's and Sunday is my date with the man. OH BOY!!!!
So big huge gigantic Smooches to all of you. Have a wonderful, safe and abso-fucking-lutely great New Year's!!! God bless.