Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Tough Love

God help me, I’m gonna killer her…..swear. She is one of my closest friends and I truly cherish her friendship, but sometimes, especially lately, I’m beginning to question her as a friend.

Let’s start off by stating what I consider to be a friend. A friend is someone to talk to, laugh with, spend time with. Someone who is there through thick and thin for just about every situation, they are the person who you can turn to who will always have your back and even if and when you are wrong, they will still side with you just to make you feel better. They tell you things that you don’t want to hear, but they also do it in a way that won’t hurt your feelings. They are…your friend.

So far so good – she meets the basic criteria - perhaps sometimes she colors outside those lines, but basically she hits the mark.

Where she tends to falter is this….she the most self centered, insecure, conceited, know it all I have ever met. Worst part? She knows ALL of this to be true. She honestly believes it is all about her. The world revolves around her and anything that happens to her.

She hasn’t always been this bad, at least not to this extent or perhaps it never got on my last nerve like it does now. There is a group of us that hangs out – and every single one of us feels this way about her.

So why not tell her Mer? Why not do something about it?

We all have. In one way or another we have all tried to talk to her about this. We have all tried to tell her that she is out of control….not only with the men she sleeps with, but also with how she treats us all.

Nicole lost it on her last week, Samantha went off as well a few weeks prior. I guess its my turn….but that’s not how I roll. I will not allow my anger to get the best of me when it comes to a friend, however, I do try at every opportunity to make her see what the frig is going on….but she chooses to ignore it.

I suppose I should give you examples of her behavior? Well, she is dating a few men, ok ok, more like half the nation, but I digress. She is not a lady when it comes to this type of stuff and we all try to give her advice, but she won’t listen. In the last 6 months, she’s almost had as many partners as I’ve had in my lifetime. Not a joke and so not cool. Each one of us have tried to tell her that although she has no commitments to anyone, its still not a good thing to sleep with so many men. But in her fucked up mind she rationalizes her decisions with the most absurd excuses – I guess its so she can sleep at night.

As a result of being with so many men, she’ll also throw us friends by the wayside. A direct quote to our friend Nicole, “Well if D. doesn’t want to see me Friday night, I can hang out with you.” – this is after making confirmed plans to hang out with Nicole. Another direct quote to Christine, “I have many options to hang out, but you are my favorite option right now, so I’ll come over.”

Who says these types of things?

I’m not talking about one or two small things that gets on my nerves, Nicole’s nerves, Samantha, Bob, Matt, Matty, Tom, et al….its come to a point where we all cringe and this is not good. Not good at all.

She could be the most kick ass friend, but she won’t because she is too self absorbed. If she could ever put other people before herself, then life would easier with her. I really really cannot remember a time once in the time I’ve known her where she has put someone else ahead of her. She doesn’t even let you walk through the DOOR first! I’m NOT joking.

Nicole and I have decided to sit her down and talk to her about this. I mean what I’ve written here is literally the tip of the iceberg, this is a small fraction of what is going on here, but we have to do something before each one of us slowly but surely lingers out of her life. Before she gets so awful that one of us snaps on her and loses it so fiercely that she is left in a puddle of her own tears….because if I snap, it will not be pretty.

Nicole and I want to talk to her, we want her understand that at our age, you don’t treat the few friends you have like this. Its ok every once in awhile to lose your head and do something stupid, we all do, but to treat us like complete ass is not nice, its not right and we don’t do it to her.

I’ve never written about how much she upsets me because of my loyalties as a friend, but enough is enough. You can only take it for so long. Perhaps sitting her down two against one isn’t the way to go and perhaps I should do it on my own because then I know I’ll feel better.

Its so awful though. I don’t like to gossip about good friends, that’s not me. Jesus, it makes me feel like I’m in high school and that’s how Nicole and Samantha feel as well and we don’t like it.

Enough venting about this….its sooooo childish it makes me vomit in my mouth a little.