This blog has been compromised due to its popularity. Ok, I’m not like a quasi-internet celebrity like Jason Mulgrew, however, my friends, family and now the man I’m dating all read this site. How can I gossip about them if they read it? Sheesh.
Ok, so I don’t necessary want to gossip about them, but I do use this site as a way to purge my thoughts to help me think everything out more clearly. Once I get something off my chest (which is awesome) I feel so much better and I’m able to deal.
Now I’m left with less material to write about. I can’t tell you some things that may or may not have pissed me off this weekend. I can’t tell you about special projects and sexual innuendos – can’t do it. Not anymore. I can’t tell you what Ken does right or wrong, I can’t even divulge any true feelings, because they are mine and I don’t want him to have access.
Its all my fault. I was so proud of what I was doing to help me get through some tough times. I was proud that this stupid blog actually has a few readers so I told people, never thinking they would google me. Not good. Not good at all.
I had some fucked up dreams last night that I wanted to talk about. I want to talk about some stuff with Ted, because that’s how I deal with it all, I puke it up into this site and then I feel better, but I don’t want it to be misconstrued that I am still hung up on him, that I want him back – I don’t, but if you had any idea what I went through day in and day out, you would understand why its so hard to let go and why I have tarnished memories, why I have a need to keep bringing it all up. But now I can’t.
I’m considering starting another blog. I’d like to start one that has no relation to this here site so that I can keep the anonymity. This new site would be brutally truthful – no holds barred type of thing. But we’ll see because I don’t know if I could keep up two blogs. Plus I don’t know if could actually keep my mouth shut about it.