Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Compromised

This blog has been compromised due to its popularity. Ok, I’m not like a quasi-internet celebrity like Jason Mulgrew, however, my friends, family and now the man I’m dating all read this site. How can I gossip about them if they read it? Sheesh.

Ok, so I don’t necessary want to gossip about them, but I do use this site as a way to purge my thoughts to help me think everything out more clearly. Once I get something off my chest (which is awesome) I feel so much better and I’m able to deal.

Now I’m left with less material to write about. I can’t tell you some things that may or may not have pissed me off this weekend. I can’t tell you about special projects and sexual innuendos – can’t do it. Not anymore. I can’t tell you what Ken does right or wrong, I can’t even divulge any true feelings, because they are mine and I don’t want him to have access.

Its all my fault. I was so proud of what I was doing to help me get through some tough times. I was proud that this stupid blog actually has a few readers so I told people, never thinking they would google me. Not good. Not good at all.

I had some fucked up dreams last night that I wanted to talk about. I want to talk about some stuff with Ted, because that’s how I deal with it all, I puke it up into this site and then I feel better, but I don’t want it to be misconstrued that I am still hung up on him, that I want him back – I don’t, but if you had any idea what I went through day in and day out, you would understand why its so hard to let go and why I have tarnished memories, why I have a need to keep bringing it all up. But now I can’t.

I’m considering starting another blog. I’d like to start one that has no relation to this here site so that I can keep the anonymity. This new site would be brutally truthful – no holds barred type of thing. But we’ll see because I don’t know if I could keep up two blogs. Plus I don’t know if could actually keep my mouth shut about it.

3 comments:

cool mo D said...

If I were you I wouldn't care who reads what you write about, that is the reason your blog is popular. Anyway, I find your amusing sex life to be entertaining and hate the fact that I am not a part of it. HA HA HA.

Matty Mac said...

This is your blog and your feelings and your thoughts. Don't hold back because of other people. Although it sounds trite and easy to say, if this is your "therapy" or your escape to make you feel better, then you have to say what you feel. Holding back will only compromise your thoughts and feelings and make them that much more difficult to express or deal with.

anne arkham said...

Yeah, I feel the same way about my blog. I told my sister, thinking that it would be OBVIOUS that she should keep her mouth shut about it, but she told my parents and everyone they work with. So now I have to be verrrry careful not to write anything that might embarass my Dad in front of his co-workers, etc. It sucks.