Rhythmless Nation

This past weekend Trixie and myself set out to spend a few days with my Cousin in Newport, Rhode Island. A mini vacation of sorts, it almost met all expectations. It met the expectations as far as a vacation goes - relaxing, breathtaking sights, nice locals, but the party atmosphere was average - more on that later.

We left Jersey at about 6:50 am to arrive in Newport by 10:00 a.m. Yes, we tried to break the sound barrier getting there. Had it not been for the police presence we most likely would have.

Now, I have to mention here, Trixie and I were up until 3:00 a.m. and were tentively supposed to leave at 6. Nope, didn't happen like that because things never go according to plan. That's why this entire weekend we didn't plan anything - this way we were never disappointed. We arrived in Newport, had lunch with the Cuz and headed to the beach - to Nap. That's right, I napped the entire afternoon while soaking in the rays. Lovely. Just fucking Lovely.

That night we dressed and headed out for a night on the town. Here's the thing, when you go away to another area, whether it be a few hours away or across the globe, you can't help but compare the area you live in with the area you are vacationing in. Well. Newport is lovely, I would move there in a heartbeat. The shopping is excellent, the scenary is gorgeous. However, a few things that I can't help but to note that I would miss here - the food, the music, the nightlife, and the dancing.

Food - ours is better. Yes we were in a high class area and I'm sure their gourmet meals and restaurants are just fabu, but we didn't find them. Here in Jersey and NYC we have outstanding restaurants on every corner. I'd miss that. The food and its texture is awesome. We have excellent pizza, they have cardboard. "nuff said.

Music - I never realized how good the coverbands and music here are. Our coverbands rock the house and each one you see is better than the next. They know how to mix 80's rock with today's beats - they take old school songs and remix them - they play what is popular today with enough range for diversion. Trixie and I were ready to party like it was 1999, but the music was flat and lacking - and they constantly played a lot of the same music. Good music, yes, but both bands covered the same songs leaving me to believe the creativity factor was low. Not to say that we didn't have a good time, but seriously, I'm just used to the sounds by us.

Nightlife - everything closes at 1:00 a.m. What is that? I'm usually just catching a buzz at 1:00 a.m. let alone clearing out for the night. It was nice to go out and party at 9:00 p.m. instead of 11:00 p.m., but still, just when things were really getting good, the brakes were hit and we had to leave. WTF?

Dancing. GOOD LORD. Saturday night we hit one of the more popular night spots there, Christie's. They had an indoor band and outdoor band - with a $20 cover no less. Sheesh, that's what we pay to get into the NYC nightclubs, but I digress and I'll continue onward - Trixie and I love to dance. Actually that is an understatement. Once we start to shake what our Momma's gave us, that's it - drinking stops, all conversation is non-existant. From that point onward all we do is sweat (profusely) and shake our asses. We don't need men to dance, but they help.

People there cannot dance. I mean they jump around to a beat that doesn't exist! They bounce around like Mexican Jumping Beans. Its wild and extremely entertaining. As much fun as it was to watch them, there is one small setback - when you can't dance - you require a lot of room. I cannot tell you how many times I was shoved and thrown around. I can't tell you how many times either Trixie or I were stepped on or beer was spilled on our clothes. No one apologizes because they are completely and profoundly fucked up, sweaty white messes. If any of them were to dance like that by us, there would have been a fight. Swear. Trust me, I threw a few elbows, but it didn't matter - they were feeling no pain.

As awful as their dancing was, it was still a good time. Trixie and I kept to ourselves for the most part, we mingled, but not outwardly. So glad we went and so glad it was a good time. I just cannot get over the Rhythmless Nation though. Truly a sight.

I would like to thank Dean - the little itty bitty that hit on Trixie. He was adorable, cute and funny - oh and he was only 22. What is up with all the itty bitty's hitting on us. I know we look young, but that's a little crazy - no?

I would also like to thank the hottest bouncer I've ever laid eyes on for doing the flirty flirty eyes all night long, but its not my taste to pick up a guy so nothing materialized from it. He was quite the hunk of burning masculine flesh and given half a chance I would have jumped on his head. GOOD LORD I almost orgasmed on the dance floor every time I caught him staring at me. I thought I was making it up until I made sure that Trixie caught it too - oh sweet bajesus why am I so shy?

We did meet a few fellas from Boston, unfortunately not Trixie's type or mine as well. I think our next road trip will be Boston, not sure when, but I'm hoping sometime during football season. We'll have to check funds and see where life takes us. Our next official trip has already been booked for South Beach, Florida. I'm totally looking forward to that party fest. Dear god I might lose my liver on that trip, but hey as I've said before, "Go Hard or Go Home."