Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Oh Yeh, I Was Once Married

My ex-husband. I never talk about him. Funny right? Its funny because I started dating him when I was about to turn 17 and then we broke up when I was 26. Yes a long time indeed.

When I met Glenn I thought he was the end all, we had so much in common and we couldn't keep our hands off one another. He was so incredinly handsome and oh lord was he funny. He was so silly and energetic. We had so much fun together, but little by little though he took over my life and I allowed it. He didn't want me to go to college and I obliged. Stupid me. I did eventually go, but I have yet to finish, but that's a whole other story.

By the time we got engaged we had not ONCE talked about marriage. If the topic came up, the topic was changed. Trust me, it was not something I was ready for either. The one and only time I brought it up was on New Years's Eve two months before he actually proposed. I didn't want to know if we were going to get married, I just wanted to know which direction our lives were headed. I wanted to know if I was wasting my time, because again, we never talked about it I was completely clueless. I think he got the feeling I was getting ready to break up with him...he was right.

Two months later he proposed. My first instinct when he got down on one knee was to say "maybe" - but I couldn't, I just couldn't do it. Instead I muttered and half laughed "You are SO not doing this to me" - did I mention it was at Rockafeller Center where we had our first date? Yes, we returned to the scene of the crime. I panicked and say yes. Of course everything snow balled from there and I was so excited to plan a wedding and get married and do everything that I thought I was supposed to do.

Eighteen months later I was married. A month after we were married I was overwhelmed. I was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes - because I needed to cook and he never did them from the day before. I began to cry and I couldn't stop. I knew right there and then I had made a mistake. But us (Italian last name) women are loyal and we stick through everything. He came into the kitchen and saw me crying - he just stood there in the doorway and asked me what was wrong and I told him I didn't know. He told me to see a doctor and left the room. Yes, he's an asshole.

I spent the next two years just like that. Unhappy, unfulfilled. I did it all, I was the grown-up. I cooked, I cleaned, I did the dishes, the laundry and I paid the bills. Did I mention that if something needed to be fixed I did that myself too? Yes I did. OH and the washer machine broke and didn't empty right so that I had to bail out the water by the bucket out of the slop sink - for two years!!! Yeh, asshole. If we went on a trip, I planned it all, I made all major decisions in that relationship - but god forbid I made the wrong one then there was a five hour fight or discussion. Never ending. Oh yeh and when I moved out - he fixed the washer. Double asshole.

Now I should mention though I did not want for money. We both had great jobs, we made good money and we knew how to save. We had a house, little debt, two very nice cars and I got whatever my heart desired, more or less. I shopped every weekend, we traveled, we bought we lived the good life. I had the best of everything, we went to dinner constantly - but it wasn't enough.

In November of 2002 I was sitting at the computer and he came in to talk to me. I had been giving him the cold shoulder (gee I wonder why) and we had a talk. For the first time in two years he actually got it. He actually understood that I was breaking down. I worked full time in a highly, very highly stressful position, I did everything in our relationship and I was melting. For a whopping two days he got it and then things went right back to the way they were. So I gave up. I made new friends and I started going out and having fun. I was living the life that a 25 year old should be living. I started sleeping on the couch and vice versa - he never wanted to talk so we fought over everything. I couldn't take it. He wasn't capable of talking either, it didn't matter my approach, he was clueless. So by the end of March I had my bags packed. I left them in the back room - open. I wanted him to see them and ask me about them. I also wanted them available to me at a moment's notice. Two weeks they were like that and then he saw them. TWO WEEKS!!!!

On April 9th 2003 I received an email at work from him. He was moving out. He was sorry he ruined my life and he couldnt' take it anymore. (Like he was the one suffering or something - ph paalease). He didn't know how long he was leaving for and he wouldn't tell me where he was going. I read that email twice, stood up and walked out of my department. I walked up the stairs and came out by the security office where my friend Nick took one look at me and called over to Carmine who was floating that day. Carmine saw me from down the hall and came running up to me. He held me and I began to sob. I cried for what felt like forever. I then wiped my tears and sighed. I knew I was going to leave him, he just beat me to it.

For the next week I went to work without incident, but when I came home I noticed things weren't as I had left them. Objects were moved out of place. I found out he was coming home during the day. It freaked me out and I packed my car never to live there again.

Over the course of the next few weeks I realized I made the right decision. He never tried to contact me, to see if I was ok or even alive and with each day that went by I knew I was right for doing what I did. When I did happen to go back to the house for stuff, he'd be there and we would fight. Finally one day he said that we should just cut the bullshit and get a divorce. He said it for shock value. Two days later I borrowed money from my grandmother and I had retained a lawyer. He was immediately served with papers.

In May I met and started hanging out with Ted. He was my rebellion and life that I had missed. I found a great confidant and friend in him and we were joined at the hip. Although he was an extreme bad boy, he was hot, he was strong, and he had the sweetest side to him. I felt safe, I felt loved and naughty for doing something so crazy as date a bad boy like him.

I wound up finding out that when Glenn had left he had been staying with this woman from his old job. They were "friends" because they were both going through a divorce. Well. I also learned that it was suspected they were more than friends and I had details - not because I looked for them, but I had a few people who always called me and told me things about him. But I didn't care, I was happy with Ted. So one fine day I'm meeting with Glenn to exchange some stuff (now I know he's broken up with this woman - who's 6 years older and has two kids - yeh real winner let me tell ya) and he starts begging me to come back. Tells me that we'll go for counseling and work it out that this pending divorce isn't necessary. I told him, "Do you think I'm as stupid as you look? I know about Barbara, I've known for awhile. Please don't try to deny it. I know you broke up with her and your barking up my tree now. This is all too little too late. You never once tried to get in touch with me. Its over"

By January 8, 2004 I was divorced.

I don't cry over him. Never have - not since that day in April. I think somewhere I always knew it wouldn't work out. I think that's why I am in no rush to get married again. If I never get married again, that's fine by me. I just want to be happy. Twice I've lived for another person, Glenn and Ted. This time I live for me. I'm truer to myself than I have ever been. I still need time. I still need to heal. There was so much I left out from this post, but its already long.

Today Glenn is now married to Barbara and they have a child together. Good, they deserve each other. There really is so much more to this story, but perhaps thats for another day. I really don't miss him and I rarely think about him.

Funny how I was with him for so long and I never think about him. I guess it really was never meant to be. I learned a lot from my last two relationships. I know I started dating Kenny, but I'm not 100% sure that I'm truly ready for a committment. Now that you all know the stories of my last two relationships, I guess you can have a better understanding. I'm just plain ol' worn out.


one sexy mexican said...

you are very immature, and need to see a shrink.

Meredith said...

I don't see how I'm immature, but sure ok. Why not.

anne arkham said...

Don't listen to that shit, Mer. You kick ass.

JTL said...

That is one hell of a story. And you are one hell of a tough cookie.