Today is one of those days that has me feeling lonely. The weather is changing, the summer season has passed and I'm sitting here wishing I had big strong arms wrapped around me.
I miss doing couples things in this weather like apple picking, carving a pumpkin, baking cakes and pies and testing them out on my honey. I miss having someone to snuggle up next to when my nose is cold and I miss that warm body next to me when I go to sleep.
I miss crying on a shoulder, hugs when I feel bad and flowers for no reason. I miss football in the park, wrestling in bed and a smack on the ass when I walk by.
I miss being loved. I miss knowing that someone is thinking about me and hoping I'm safe. I miss phone calls for no reason.
Being lonely is ok at certain times, but today isn't one of them. Today I want warmth and hugs, kisses on my forehead, a squeeze around my waist. I want love and compassion, feeling and depth. I want good conversation and make up sex.
I want someone to go on a haunted hayride with. I want someone to share a hot chocolate with. I want someone who I can make Christmas and New Year's Eve plans with.
Its frustrating to feel like this after wanting independence for so long. I've become accustomed to being alone and doing my own thing. I actually like not having drama in my life. Look what happened last weekend with that one dude who couldn't decide what he wanted to do.....I walked out. But I'm starting to get that feeling....you know that feeling. The lonely feeling.
Don't get me wrong, I've been propositioned, but I'm getting picky. I had my fun this summer and I kissed a few frogs, but not one of them was worth the effort. Marcus is even back and barking up my tree. Although he fits part of my criteria, I'm just not feeling it.
Right now, I'm looking for something light. Someone to spend time with and make plans. Someone who can go to a sporting event - like hockey or football. Someone who wants to take me to dinner, but isn't up my ass for anything more.
I don't have a biological clock anymore - I killed it, so I'm not worried about marriage and kids.
Its funny, I haven't been "looking" in the sense, but where would I look? Actually fuck that. I'm not hitting the bar scene for this shit. I'm doing it my way. I'm headed to a Devils' game in the near future - I'll find a man, club him over the head and drag him back to my car. Nice.
Hopefully he'll be a Gemini, Libra or an Aries. Bonus.
Over and out.