Thursday, October 06, 2005

A Toast

B is probably one of the funniest people I know. I think its a combination of his quick wit and his sarcastic nature that do it for me. I'm going to try very hard to relate a story he told me that occurred a few months ago. I'm sure that I'll fuck up some of the details, but I'll do my best so you get the general gist of the story.

B went to a pretty prestigous college and he was in a frat, thus making him the token frat guy amongst us here. Anyway, as is with many people after graduation, B has been going to a slew of weddings. One of which was his former roommate of 3 years. All through the three years this kid - we'll call him Joe, dated one particular girl that he wound up getting engaged to thus bringing us to present day and this particular wedding. Of course because of his bond with Joe, B was asked to be in the wedding party and as with all weddings there was a rehearsal dinner.

As it was described to me, the rehearsal dinner was actually quite the affair and many people attended - again prestigous school - people with money.

During the cocktail hour when everyone was standing around shooting the breeze, the groom's father came up to B's group of guys and announced that during the toast he would really like it if one of them could get up and say a few words. B HATES I mean LOATHES to be placed in awkward positions and public speaking would NOT be his forte, so his buddy Brian stepped up to the plate and told the father that he would be happy to say a few words. B thought to himself "Whew, that was a close one." - oh yeh, I forgot to mention, him and all his friends were getting crocked at that particular point in the evening, each of them becoming more and more drunk as the night wore on.

Dinner begins and its a lovely affair. The groom's father gets up and says a few nice words and then he turns to B's group of friends and asks one of them to speak - Brian stands up and says, "You know I really had something nice to say but I think B here to could say it so much better."

B was HORRIFIED. But he's not one to back down either so he stood up and began his speech. He made the usual pleasantries and spoke of their friendship,

"Joe and I had nothing in common, I'm an only child, he's one of five. I'm from Jersey, he's from Pittsburgh...blah blah blah.....but Beth is a great girl and they are lucky to have one another. I shared a room with Brian for three years and it was great, but I have to tell you both .....I wasn't always sleeping..."

[insert sound of crickets here]

Uh yeh B - way to go.

No one laughed except his friends sitting at the table. He had no idea what to do about it. He fumbled, turned all shades of red, his mouth went dry and he felt like an idiot. He wrapped it up and sat down.

Now if I was there and I didn't know B, I'd probably still laugh, but can you imagine how mortified they were? Of course he did what any one of us would do, he drank some more and made sure he avoided the parents at all costs.

Good job B, I'm so proud of you.


Matt said...

Went to a wedding where the bride was pregnant, no biggie, but jokes galore were made about this being a "shotgun wedding" even thought it wasn't. So at the reception the groom (yes the GROOM) got up and said, "For those of you who think this is a shotgun wedding you're so wrong. In all reality her dad has a vice grips around my balls!"

Needless to say the crickets were out that night, and well the tension was thick enough you needed a chainsaw to cut it!

NCTRNL said...

There's really nothing that compares to awkward moments during public speaking. I had to give a best man speech so I have had my share...