Sunday, May 08, 2005

From Bad to Worse

You won't believe this but my life has gone from bad to worse. I can't fathom this and I haven't yet accepted it because I truly felt that my life was on the upswing. I had something to look forward to for the first time in 2 years. The plan was for "Ted" to move out so I could start over - so I could go to the gym, meet new friends, go back to school and persue my dream of acting. All my decisions would have been my own and I was going to start something better - the world was my oyster.

After the week I had I was so looking forward to coming home and being a vegetable all night. I was going to find the meaning of relaxing. I walk in my door to find a note from my landlady who lives downstairs - it wasn't one of her normal notes - it was a letter from a lawyer, it was my eviction notice. My heart dropped - how could this happen to me now! I had my whole future ahead of me and all I needed was another week or two - but I wouldn't get that. I would be robbed of that precious pleasure of living alone. The part that bothers me most is the fact that she didn't come to me and speak to me about it. I'm so sad over that. The other part that I'm pretty pissed about is the fact that I tried so hard to be quiet and to be a good tenant. I have had blow out fights over this topic with "Ted." We would fight because I didn't want people over because they would drink and get loud. I didn't want him to be loud and I would critisize him. He was a large part and reason as to why I was evicted - I'm sure of it. Too many times I've asked him not to slam doors, not to be up late drinking, to be considerate of the landlady downstairs. Too many times to ever count. Actually if I sat and counted the days since I moved in, I'm sure it was every day. I'm actually very pissed about that aspect.

I'm going to move back home. I'm going to sell my car so if anyone is interested in a 2003 350Z, please feel free to contact me via email for details. - I'm moving home. I can't get over this. I know you are thinking that I could surely get another apartment, but I'm trying to do the smart thing. I want to save money and finish school so I can get a very good paying job. I can then make my own dreams come true and be less worried about money and more inclined to be better to myself than I've been.

To be brave when faced with defeat was something I thought I could always do. Watching movies and seeing the heroin come out on top was something I knew I could do. A hard time I am having is an understatement - I can't get over this, I can't believe it is happening. My parents are good people and I love them so much, that is what is saving me. To know they love me no matter my failures is a blessing that I take for granted.

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