Wednesday, May 11, 2005

A funny thing

Never being one to suffer PMS growing up, I'm finding that as I get older I'm really starting to notice it. These past few weeks have been tough to say the least, but I'm a person that can find the silver lining in just about every scenario. I'm the person who my friends come to when they need advice and I'm the one that can usually make heads or tails of a situation. This past week I couldn't do it. I just could not get myself to see the cup as half full instead of half empty. That's not me. All of these blogs I have posted in the last week or so have been full of depressed pathetic sappy bullshit. That's not me.

For example, when my husband and I parted ways - I don't think I cried once. Swear. I packed up my stuff and went home to mom, dad, Cassie and Duke (my dogs). I immediately started going out and making new friends. I felt free.

This new blow to my life really sent me for a doozy and I wasn't planned for it. I guess no one ever is. But the kicker was, I was in the middle of PMS week and I didn't know it.

Today I woke up with a whole new outlook on life. Maybe not a completely new outlook, but I figured that I can either wallow in misery or just roll with the punches and continue on. I'm going to focus on ONLY good things. I'm going to do an Oprah. I'm going to try and name 5 things to either look forward to in my new life or 5 things I am thankful for everyday. I'm going to start going back to the gym 6 times a week. I never felt better than when I was in the gym everyday. I had energy, I was happy and I looked damned good.

My friend Chris really set me straight yesterday. He basically told me to stop blaming and just move on. Its not worth fretting over and I was starting to sound pathetic. Thanks Chris, I hope I can one day be there for you the way you have for me. I also want to thank my new friend Cheryl. She's been so majorly cool.

Let me tell you a little about Cheryl. She works in my department and she's a little petitte thing with lots of smiles. I haven't had a girlie friend in a long time and its taken me awhile to get used to it, but I'm going to try and let it in. All my friends have always been men and that needs to change. Funny thing about men - ever see When Harry Met Sally? Well I love that movie and the scene when Billy Crystal tells Meg Ryan that women and men can't be friends because of the sex thing. He's right - I have lots of guy friends, but I'll bet my bottom dollar that every one of them want to sleep with me. Which is cool, but those relationships never last and then there I am with no real friends. Cheryl seems like she would always be my friend. She seem honest and truthful and so incredibly sweet. She's dating an older man right now - he's 6 years our senior, but from what she tells me he's very sweet to her. I wish her the best.

I have to remember that I am an intelligent, sexy, smart, attractive young female with a lot to offer. I have to remember that no one in this world is going to swoop down and change my life. I have to make it happen. I have to grab the bull by the horns and stop fucking around. This is my life and I'm the only one who can make me happy. With that said, I start my new life. Again.

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