Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Two Weeks

I have two weeks until my punishment ends. Somewhere in life I must have really fucked up in order to go through what I've been through in the last few years. I'm ready to start anew. I don't want to tell you he got drunk again - what I will say is this, I'm ready to start over. I was getting my daily Grande Vanilla Latte this morning and I realized that I will be able to spend time in Barnes & Nobles now. I will be able to go there whenever I want. I will be able to go to the mall again and shop until my little plastic cards get rejected - all because I can.

I feel like prisoner now. - I just wrote an entire paragraph about him and my complaints about him - but I deleted it. No need to dwell on the past. Two weeks and then I'm home free.

I was doing some small packing this morning and found an old composition book. You know the black and white marble kind your teacher used to make you get for "Journal Time" in the 6th grade. Well I have one of those and until about 2 years ago, I would write a running list of things I want to do. So much has changed in two years, yet I've only completed two of these 40+ items. I need to get on the ball.

Before I post this list, these are my dreams, these are the things I would like to do in my lifetime - some are fantastical and will probably never happen, but they are my giggly dreams.....not yours. Since these are two years old, I've added comments.

1. Dress in a knock out red dress and sing on a piano in a lounge
2. Skydive
3. Record an album
4. Appear on a magazine cover
5. Live alone in a cool city like New York or Paris
6. Meet Puff Daddy
7. Win some money - I mean serious cash - CHA CHING!
8. Dance elegantly with a handsome man in a ballgown
9. Go to a big New Year's Party in a ballroom (perhaps 8 and 9 can happen together)
10. Learn to Dance (that would be helpful for 8 and 9)
11. Write a book (I've already started two, I need to finish at least one)
12. Hit a homerun in softball
14. Be important to someone
15. I want to tell someone off really good like in a movie
16. Take a photography class
17. Get a convertible car
18. Travel to Italy
19. Travel to Paris
20. Travel to Greece
21. Meet someone who wants to take care of me
22. Make a life change for the better (This is complete as I went through with my divorce)
23. Get more courage (Half way there baby!)
24. Meet someone inspirational - (I'm talking Oprah material here)
25. Make love on a beach at sunset (I know very romance novel of me, but I don't care. I love sex and I love the ocean. Sue me).
26. Complete a physical challenge
27. Not be afraid to be alone (thus killing the loser magnet)
28. Get a tattoo (I bounce around with this one a lot - I have committment issues)
29. Pierce something other than my ears or belly
30. Walk gracefully into a room and have everyone notice (a breathtaking moment, not embarassment)
31. Learn something new (piano or talent of the like)
32. Receive an award accomplishingly something
33. Take horseback riding lessons
34. Find an old friend (done)
35. Have courage to give a lap dance
36. Completely trust someone
37. Fly in an airforce jet
38. Date a man in uniform
39. Sing the National Anthem at a function - and do it good.
40. I want to be a contestant on the "Price is Right"
41. Throw out the first pitch at a Yankee Game
42. Date a professional sports athlete

In two weeks I will start to make these dreams come true. I have to make an oath to myself to continue to be everything I know I can be. To make sure that I make myself happy with the things occuring in my life. Gaining control is a big step for me.

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