Monday, May 23, 2005


Why do I allow myself to be open to hurt? Why do I allow him to constantly make me feel bad about what I say or do? Why, why, why, why, why!!!!

I tried to stay away from him, I tried to have my own life, I tried to keep things light and simple, it all failed. He broke through all of it and found a way to silently torment me. He is trying to make me pay for something that I have no idea I did. I really don't know what I did to deserve all of this assholish behavior. I don't know why he has taken it upon himself to make me feel inferior at every opportunity.

I feel wretched, I feel alone and I feel pathetic. I just want him away from me, I don't want to talk to him, see him or know if he's alive - I want to be left alone. Why can't I have that? I gave him so much of me. I was there for him despite anything that ever happened, and now I'm the enemy, I'm the bad guy and I don't know why? When did this become war?

These next few days are going to be torture, they are going to be awful, I'm going to cry when I don't want to - I know it. I still have packing to do and I have no drive to do it.

GOD please make the pain stop.

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