Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Boobs and Cops...Now that I have your attention...

This post might be a little long, so get comfy.

Did I have an adventure last night? - Well yes so to speak.

Trixie and I met up last night for a nice little dinner and some apertif's. We were originally supposed to have our hair done by Samantha, but in the life of Mer, nothing ever truly goes according to plan. After two very large margarita's and some Pico de Gallo, we headed over to the Victoria Secrets Semi Annual Sale. This is about the only time I will ever shop there because their stuff is just way too expensive for me. Is it me or do their bras not last as long as others?

Anyway, last week Trixie brought it to my attention that I was wearing the wrong bra - now I know you all would think this was something kinky, I mean the girl can't help but grab my boobs at least once a night, but that's another story - she used to be a manager at Vicky's and we had this very long discussion about the fact that the bra I'm wearing is too small - complete with booby comparisons and touching. Fortunately enough for Mikey D, he caught the whole conversation and I believe he went home to rub one out after it. But back to my story, I just thought that my boobs looked fabulous and left it at that, who knew that it was important to wear the right size too? Can you believe that I have to go bigger? I'm actually a little annoyed, I used to think my B's were perfectly shaped and well, very "ripe" looking. Its hard to let go, I know and as stated before, we can never go back, but I'm embracing my C's with open arms - I know most of my guy friends will too. Zeesh. You'll be proud to know that I now own two brand new bras with matching panties - because that's important.

During our splendid evening of booby holder shopping, the hot phone rang and low and behold it was a blast from the past - Schmitty. The Bat signal went up and we were well on our way to meet up with him. Not to a bar though, sorry to disappoint, we met up with him at work. Because if it was a bar - Matt Lauer, you'd DEFINITELY have received a drunk dial.

Here's a little background info on Schmitty. First time I met him I thought he was cute, then I began to think he was a little too cocky and that was a turn off. But we remained friends nonetheless and later on after about 2 years we became really good friends. After my divorce Schmitty and I would hang out at least once a month due to work schedules and such. Some really good times have occurred with this kid. Schmitty is the guy who told me that I should be rented out for parties - I could be rented to make sure that the party got started and remained in full steam for the remainder of the night. Think about it? I know I have because I'm the most fun.

One night in particular sticks out in my mind. Ted and I had gone to a good-bye dinner at one of the local bars with a bunch of people from work - I'd say about 40 people. It was the night before I was leaving for Aruba with my sister. In true Ted form, he got obnoxiously drunk and I brought him home before midnight (this was before I lived with him). I dropped his drunk ass off and called Schmitty.


"Me and 'Kris with a K' and Chuck, are headed over to the Junkyard. Why what's up?"

"Well I just dropped drunk Ted off and I'm looking for an after party."

"We're almost there now, come meet us."


And off were Lola and I. (Lola is my car). We met up and since I was already buzzing from the previous bar, things got kicked up a notch real fast. There was a live band and they were playing kick ass music. Some highlights of the evening: - Mer on stage dancing and singing with the band. Mer pole dancing next to the bar, Mer telling 'Kris with a K', "Baby one of these days we're gonna have sex, oh yes, we will have sex" like it was some kind of prophecy or something. (This comment might have gotten any other person in some serious trouble, but I can pull it off with no problem). Oh yeh, this was also Kris with a K's first time hanging out with me - poor guy.

After the Junkyard we headed to the local dive called Ed's. Ed's is your typical local run down bar that EVERYONE goes to because they are open the latest and also because it is a fixture in society. This is where I proceeded to get blatantly drunk and dance on the bar, stools and generally on people's heads. It was a good time nonetheless - it was one of those nights where I was a rock star. Rock on sista gurlfriend!

I got home at about 5:00 a.m. - my plane was leaving at 8:30 a.m. Hung over is a dire understatement. I was almost comatose on the plane. That evening was a prelude to a fucking rock hard week in Aruba - but again that's another story. I seem to be a rock star no matter where I go - or that could be my delusional drunkenness - who cares, I'm happy and that's all that matters right?

So Trixie, Schmitty and I caught up on old times. He's now a police officer in a nice little town in Jersey and engaged to be married this coming January. I'm very happy for him because all of his dreams are coming true. He used to be what you would call a dick, but he's now an all around nice guy. But he said something right off the bat that has me thinking - he said him and his fiance are fighting...a lot. I don't want to tell him this, but I don't see it working out for him. Not on just that comment alone, but a couple of things he said. I'm sorry, but if your wedding is only 7 months away and you are fighting nonstop - AND you've only been together for about a year - that just spells disaster. I told him that I would NOT lecture him because I am in no place to lecture anyone, instead I told him:

"Schmitty, I'm only going to say one thing and I'll never say another thing again. If the time comes, please just be honest with yourself despite how hard it may be, just do me that favor?"

He knows what I meant by that, and I'm sure you do to. He promised to really think about it and he won't try to fool himself into something that might not work out. We'll see.

He's a great guy though, nice, polite, he knows right from wrong - and he looks like Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20 - just a lot more muscular - HOT DIGGITY DOG!

I really hope it works out for him and his girl, but to be honest, I think it will only end in divorce. I hate to say that, but its in his cards and from the way he was speaking last night, it only makes my notion stronger. Trixie agrees with me.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the idea of something that we don't take a look around and assess the situation for what its truly worth. I'm infamous for this and I'm learning my lesson, one day at a time. I want what is best for my friends, when I give them advice its because I can see on the outside what they don't see because they are in the thick of the situation. I make my point and leave it alone - they don't need me telling them what to do. I always say my peace and then back them 100% in their decision, because I am their friend and that's what real friends do.

So that's my story morning glory. Stay tuned for upcoming posts on "Factoids about Mer" and "Mer's Rating Scale for Men." - Whoop! Oh Boy!

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