Thursday, June 09, 2005

Paranoid? I Think Not

We all thought I was just having a mini breakdown yesterday with my last entry. We all thought I was just working myself up in a little snit right? I don't think I ever mentioned this before in my blog, but I get these weird vibes sometimes. I used to think it was my gut talking to me (no not my stomach) - I mean I've always had a sixth sense....of sorts. I don't claim to be clairvoyant, but its unusual to say the least. I can finish people's sentences for them, I can read people very well and I'm weird with numbers. Oh and there's the little movie thing, which is totally freaky and completely stupid so I don't advertise any of this....until now. A movie will pop into my head all of sudden, a movie that I haven't seen in YEARS and then BAM, its on TV. Ok so not so psychic as we would all like, but its freaky nonetheless. I used to think I just had a knack for something, but now I'll listen.

Ted violated his restraining order yesterday. As I sat here at my computer and told you all about how my heart was beating fast and I was totally freaked for no reason he was here on campus. I thought I was getting worked up because I had to go talk to someone I didn't know about my situation. I was wrong. I was getting a vibe. Security caught him on camera and printed the photos for me. The fucked up part is, not 15 minutes after the photo was taken I was within 100 feet of where he was. If I hadn't sat here and finished my blog entry because I was running late, then I would have ran smack into him.

When Security showed me the photos my immediate reaction was shaking. I started to shake and cry. Now for those who know me, this is absurd, Mer does NOT have that kind of reaction to ANYTHING! I mean in 10th grade this kid in my shop class cut his finger off - I re-attached it and marched him down to the nurses office. MEREDITH DOES NOT PANIC! I am the picture of coolness in any given situation, but this freaked me the fuck out. My physical reaction to this threw me for a loop.

Ok so your next question is, was he here to see me? No, I won't lie just for effect. He was not there to see me, as a matter of fact I think he was there to pick up his last paycheck. His co-worker was supposed to drop it off at his apartment, but the idiot couldn't wait. Wondering why? Because he was probably tapped out from boozing and doing whatever drugs over the weekend. Loser. He was still in violation of the restraining order. If his employers find out that he was here against everything they told him, AND against the restraining order, they would be pretty mad. His employer has a multi-million dollar account here and if even ONE hair on my head is damaged as a result of him being a bozo, its done.

I was pretty upset after I saw the photos. Its no REAL big deal that he was here. Its the fact that I was there in that same spot not 15 minutes later that bothers me. If he had seen me, I really don't think he would have been able to restrain himself from yelling at me. I don't think I would have been able to stop myself from calling the police and having him arrested. I mean business and I don't think he understands what length I will go to to ensure my safety and my peace of mind. Did I mention he was an idiot? Just thought I'd throw that in.

I've decided to hold onto the photos and show the judge on Monday when I face him in court. I will tell the judge that this idiot really does tempt fate and thinks he is above the law. I'm waiting it out because like before, my opportunity will come. I'm trying not to overreact for dramatical affect, but I'm so huffed up about this.

On a lighter note, I did see the social worker/counselor yesterday and she was wonderful. It was nice to talk to someone who doesn't know him personally. She reiterated to me over and over again that I was the victim in this and I didn't do anything wrong. His actions are basically a result of his alcoholism. I was so blind. I really didn't want to believe his problem was that bad, but when you try to make an excuse, you realize fully and wholly that yes, it is a problem. He'll never learn until he gets his third DUI. Then I'll go to the jail and parade around in all my freedom as he sits in his orange jumper and cries. Ok maybe not, but wouldn't that be fun?


Anne Arkham said...

You reattached his finger and marched him down to the nurse's office? Dayum, girl. I'm impressed.

Your counselor was right; you have done nothing wrong. Keep your head up.

Matt said...

Ok... so I'm with her... DAMN! And you are the victim, but so is he, he's a victim of his alcoholism, and that's not your fault, it's his alone, and you shoulnd't suffer.

And it doesn't matter when you got out of the relationship, all that counts is that you got out!