Thursday, June 23, 2005

It's About B

B said a couple of interesting things to me yesterday. I don't know how the hell this kid does it, but he sees through all my bullshit with the bat of an eyelash. Its uncanny.

I hate the fact that sometimes when I'm around him I turn into a bimbo. I'm NOT a bimbo. I can play the bimbo part very well, but its not a card I like to use. I can't help it, he makes me laugh. When I am in his presence I can't keep a straight face, which is good because that means there is no way in hell that we could ever have a bad time together.

Yesterday he told me that I don't want to fool around and date a bunch of guys. He said that I really want a monogamous relationship. He said that I delve into relationships head first. I agree and disagree on this topic. I was with my husband for 8 1/2 years. Translation, I was with him from the time I was almost 17 until our depart at 26. I met Ted only 3 months after the split and then we were inseparable. I see B's point on that. But I really do want to date and find out for real what I like and don't like. I've never done that. Here's the kicker though, I want to go on REAL dates - where the guy pulls out my chair for me, he picks up the tab and gives me a smooch at the end. Why is that so hard? I'm hanging with the wrong crowd.

B also said that I used to be no fun. Well I've always been fun, but he said I was a fuddy duddy. When I was with Ted I'd pack it in early and never go out. He said that I would tell him stories about being in bed at 9:30. I would like to clarify this one point- Ted was an alcoholic. If we went out, that meant drunken outrages and fighting. I like to let loose and really have a good time, but in Ted's presence I couldn't do that. I didn't have that luxury that so many people take advantage of. If I did, we always fought or I couldn't be sure that Ted would make certain that I'd get home in one piece. And there was NO WAY in HELL that he was driving my 350Z. Nuh huh, not doin' it. Seriously, it was frightening, so of course it inevitably looked like I was the goody goody who never wanted to do anything. But we all know that was a huge farce.

The few times I have been able to hang out with B when we were out drinking and dancing, it was a great time. I wonder if he remembers that? Lately all we've done is gone out for dinner, again always a great time because he can hold his end of the conversation. He's a private kind of guy so its hard to get him to open up, typical male. But on occasion he has been known to open up to me which I like because I don't think he does that with many other girls. Oh and he's funny - VERY sarcastic funny.

I know what you are all wondering - this guy sounds great! Why not hook up? I can't help but add here that there has always been a tension between us. Maybe I'm making it up, but seriously, the line has never been crossed no matter what kind of alcohol consumption has occurred. I make jokes and tell him that one of these days I'm going to lay the biggest fattest wet one right on his lips. Honestly, I don't know if I could do it. B isn't cool like that. He's cool, don't get me wrong, but I think that after that he would be too awkward around me so I'll never allow that to happen. He means that much. Plus I think he thinks that I would follow him like a puppy after something like that - Uh no. Sorry B, a kiss is a kiss is a kiss, unless its a first kiss after a date. We all know that a first kiss after a date sets the tone for the rest of a relationship. (More on that another day).

Somehow this kid grounds me. He brings me out of the clouds and back to reality. I feel like a fool when I leave his office sometimes (yes we work together), but at least he's given me the advice I need and he's done it in a manner that never offends me. I'm never disappointed when I leave him, if anything I feel like I've been put back on the right path. Without EVER telling me the words, he makes me realize I'm worth so much more.

B has been one of the people who have told me how to be able to really relax, kick back and have a grand ol' time.I think he means that I shouldn't take myself so seriously. I take his advice to heart though (which if he reads this blog he probably won't believe his power). I do though because he's not an idiot and he comes from the same back ground I do. Loving, kind parents with good values. They let us fall on our ass when we screw up, but they make sure we feel the guilt without harping on us. I guess you call that a conscience lesson.

Normally I wouldn't spend this much time writing about a friend, but he gets me really thinking. Like I've said before in other blogs, I think its important to let those you care about know it. He's not a mushy character so I couldn't tell him any of this to his face. He'd puke on me.

B, I love ya babe. You're a good friend, don't ever change. MWAH!

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